i've got sunshine in a bag.

defined

carpe diem - Latin. seize the day; enjoy the present, as opposed to placing all hope in the future

Once again, this just backs up "Fuck Tommorrow". I feel like maybe I've had things all wrong. I been trying to go against things that aren't right without realizing that without unrighteous beings or things, there wouldn't be righteous ones. That's something that I should've known, since one of my deepest thinking sessions was about the yin and the yang. You can't have one without the other. Now I want to help people by lifting oppression and all, but how can I help those who don't want the help, or at least try to help themselves. I rolled with those who said we need to walk a righteous path and live a positive life, yet they wreck anything in their path. They strike without warning or cause, and that is not the act of a king. More like a dictator. But that life seems to be fading from me. I wanted to even after they did what they did, but I got one life to live. I want to enjoy it. I've already thrown away a piece of my life and everytime I look at that fraction of my life, it gets bigger. But I can only imagine what it must be like to go through life being somewhere you don't wanna be. I mean I wanna be in New York as opposed to being in Florida, but there's some that live in poverty and cannot escape it. And those spending their lives in prison. Who are you to decide where someone spends their only life? God is the judge and the jury. So I'm done just following the system, I'm done just doing what is expected of me. I'm going to go through life as I please. Maybe I'll make it to the NBA. Maybe I'll get a record deal. Maybe I'll die tommorow. Who knows? So why sit around just around livin uncomfortably? Live how you wanna and don't let oppurtunities to be happy pass you by.

Just a little something thats been on my mind. =)

Ever since I started this blog I've noticed some NBA players have a blog. It's on the website and I have an account on NBA.com. My favorite has to be Gilbert Arenas. There is alot of publicity around it but when I read it, he spoke about the emotions that run through one's mind in a basketball game. Especially during the playoffs, a basketball game can be very emotional. He stays competitive though and even started a heated rivalry between his team, the Washington Wizards, and Lebron James and his Cleveland Cavaliers. They are currently playing in the first round and Cleveland is up 3 games to 2, with the momentum in Washingtons favor however. Of all series, this has to be my favorite to watch so far. You can just feel the tension. The feeling you have with the game on the line with just 3.9 seconds left on the clock and you are down by 2 is just amazing. I've felt it before. It's like your at war and you have a rifle pointed at a group of people and 1 of them is the enemy and about 13 of em are your allies. If you hit him, you are a hero. If you miss, it could hurt your team. But the intensity is the same.

I wrote an ill ass verse during 2nd period but I lost it.=/Besides working on verses, I been preparing for the end of the year. It kinda depresses me how I missed out on my high school years at its peak. It's like I was invited to a party and didnt go, then the next day people are telling me about it and I just regret not going. Sucks kinda. Oh well, no good dwelling on the past, just need to fix my future. Or my present for that matter.

This is my anthem on my days off. XD I love it. They are an example of my non-rap interests. Even though De La Soul makes an appearance, this is one of my favorite non-rap records. And yeah it took me a while to realize that it really was De La.

busier than I-4 durin rush hour

defined

gab - v. to talk

I have that gift. So I've heard.

Skit-so-frenic has been super busy. Well of course theres school and I found out that even though I will be a "rainbow" graduate, I can still walk with my peers on graduation day. Apparently, if you have two of the three graduation requirements, you can walk and they will give you a little paper with a bow that looks like a diploma, but it aint really. They call your name and you walk up and grab that paper but when you open up, they might as well write in big letters "PSYCHE". Whatever. After I do that I will go to summerschool and get it over with. Then I begin building my life. I've already started saving up money. Unfortunately I have picked up old habits to gain this money. I know I said I retired. Think of it as a pension plan. But I have the opportunity of getting a job at either a supermarket or at Disney, courtesy of my brother Fate. Haven't technically had a job since McDonald's. I did the thing at United Temps, but technically it was"Angel Valentin". I went to work with "Jaime Ramos" and Manuel Maisonet, who was really hisself. Good times. So we shall see.

I am going back to NY in June and I CANT WAIT!!! I have a week to chill with my bruddas Bam and Flako, Margarita, Lali, Yanissa (Cause what happens in the Bronx stays in the Bronx), and Leah. (See previous parentheses) And of course the niggas from the old block. But thats gunna be easy because I'm gunna be stayin with Flako. I might go see my dad, that is, if he still is alive or not in jail. If he still exists then I'll go see him and punch him in the fuckin jaw. If he is dead then I might piss on his grave. My mom told me how he used to hit her. This was news to me. But I know my father's nature, so I believe it. Apparently, he tried to hit my mom's stomach while she was pregnant with me. Fuckin faggot. Hittin women just shows how much of a female YOU are. (Of course if she got the balls to hit a man, then she should have endurance to get hit by a man.) Nigga aint do shit for me, aint teach shit to me, and according to the shit I heard, motherfucker didnt even want me to be born. Maybe it's cuz he had two other daughters already. He now has about 5 or 6 OTHER daughters and I'm his only son. Nigga used to always make me seem like a big deal cuz I was his only son. I doubt THAT nigga. But I take back what I said about him not teachin me shit. I inherited my ability to deal drugs and steal so cleverly from him. Also, I inherited the ability to talk my way out of a fucked up situation. But the most important thing that nigga taught me was how to NOT be a father. You live and you learn. Especially learn, from EVERY situation. Knowledge is infinite. I even got his faggot ass name. I'm glad I aint junior, though. He is Hector Luis Melendez, while I am Hector Luis Rivera. The only reason I have my mom's last name because the faggot wasn't there when I was born to sign the papers. He threatened to beat my mom if she didnt give me his name. If not my mom was gonna name me Johnathan. I like Hector though. But the motherfucker wasnt there for most of my life. He spent 8 years of my life locked up and I spent those years believin that my pops was my brother and sister's dad. And that nigga denied me in my face sometimes. At 9 years old that can be harsh emotional wreckage. Regardless of all that, I'm glad that happened. Who knows, if none of that shit happened, I might not be where I am at today.

I went to grad bash on Saturday and of alll people I could chill with, I chilled with these two white boys who were the funniest niggas on earth. XD They had me rollin the whole time. They made it fun. The highlight was the moment where some girl, who might I add was lookin fine as hell, grabbed my ass while I was passing by her. It was like a little feel, not a full grab. She then turned around and gave me that look and turned to her friend and started laughin. I aint act upon the situation even though I shouldve. Fuck it, two tears in a bucket.

This video is hypnotizing. It's by Crystal Waters, who teamed up with Alex Gaudino for Destination Calabria, the song that Enur remade. It was a good remake, really I cant say it was bad. It's funny though that T.I. sampled off of this beat, Gypsy Woman. The person she talking about in this song is her. It just mesmerizes me for some reason.

Man I been braindead lately, due to all the busyness. I needa chillpill. XP

free writing and priceless memories.

defined

satisfaction - n. an act of satisfying; fulfillment; gratification

Psht. Can't get none of that.

I am officially addicted to this damn blog. Fuck! This your fault, Maria.

So I was thinking about my "love life" and I had the only moment of clarity. Well I observe the actions of other people, not because I have no life. lol. Rather because I want to observe how people act and react towards certain situations, so that when I'm in that certain situation I have an idea of what to do. Anyway, I never understood why people have an opinion on relationships based on one or several bad relationships from the past. People generalize too much. It's not like the person that lied and/or cheated on you is going to come back and haunt you in every single relationship. And everyone is not the same so your in for something different every time. If you get with the same kinda person everytime and it never works out, maybe you should change what you are lookin for. I don't think you need to be a rocket scientist to know that much. There's just a whole lotta things that people in their teenage years disregard or are plain oblivious to. But that's the nature of teen relations(hips). Lust and irresponsbility. That's why I'm kinda glad I'm bout to hit 18, cuz I always found that dating older girls is less stress/drama related. That's another thing. I always find it funny when someone has an about me and their list of dislikes looks like "I dont like haters, fakes, liars, drama, gossip, etc." I laugh cuz I think "Have they actually met people who LIKE that shit?" NOONE likes that shit. That's like saying "I don't enjoy cancer, herpes, mass genocide, bigotry, and heart attacks." Funny thing is that it is usually the haters, fakers, liars, dramaqueens, and gossips who post that shit. meh. Well, I guess what I really realized is it's true what the older people say. They looked back when they was our age and say to themselves, "Damn, I did some dumb shit." or "Wow, the shit we did back then made no sense." I'm already starting to do that. Whatever. Relationships are a beautiful thing if, and only if, the two parties are mature about it. That was the basic realization. Problem I keep finding little girls and I need a woman. And I don't mean age, I mean mentality.

I don't really discriminate age. First off because noone CHOSE when they wanted to be born and second because I always hung out with people who were older than me. Even as a young dude in the Bronx. I was 11 years old hangin out with high schoolers and shit. And that's just how it was on the block. Everyone was cool with everyone. The only niggas that beefed was the niggas that got dealt with quick. And the only niggas that got killed was the niggas that sparked shit up. So with that being in effect, there wasnt much killing or fighting. Shit was still rough, but we went through life together. Just vibing on the block, some hustlin, some just parlayin, some just enjoyin the company of other people in the struggle. Thats why I love Nas' music, cuz it speaks directly to that lifestyle and I think its because of that that I can relate to it so much. His music is focused on the observation of the thug life rather than the celebration of it. He talk about what people go through in the ghetto and what the stuggle is like. Of course it has that microphone commanding flow that he is known for. But me personally, I can relate to his music more than any other artists music.

It's songs like this that remind me of days on the old block. Man I miss them niggas. Angel, Louis, Anthony, Julian, Orville, David, Ray, Edison, Flakito and Bam of course. Jordan and "Negro", I remember when we got drunk and crashed the carnival. I went down the giant slde with my ass hangin out. White boy Joey, his parents smoked more weed than me, and R.I.P. Andy. Me and that nigga was always beefin but an early death is something that noone deserves. Ferno, Flame, Weezy, the Bloods on the corner whose names I could never remember. The nigga who we smoked blunts on the roof with. Deshawn, Brian, Kenny, and all them M.S. 45 niggas. Man, I feel homesick after naming all these niggas.

Had to get the video cause imeem STILL has that 30 second bullshit.

But listen to these lyrics, it reminds me of back in my New York days. "Straight up shit is real and anyday can be your last in the jungle. Get murdered on the humble, guns'll blast, niggaz tumble."/"Cold be walkin with a bop and my hat turned back. Love committin sins and my friends sell crack.......cause life ain't shit but stress, fake niggaz, and crab stunts. So I guzzle my Hennesey while pullin on mad blunts."

"I used to wake up every mornin, see my crew on the block. Every day's a different plan that had us runnin from cops. If it wasn't hangin out in front of cocaine spots. We was at the candy factory, breakin the locks." I actually did that. lmao

"The corners is the hot spot, full of mad criminals who don't care, guzzlin beers, we all stare at the out-of-towners, (Ay, yo, yo, who that?) They better break North before we get the four pounders, and take their face off."

That was also true. If you wasnt from around that area, you needed to keep your nose outta shit cuz the hood was always watching for niggaz that sparked shit up. All in all it was a family. No trouble at all and the only time there was violence was when niggas who wanted to start trouble came around.

Man, this was unorganized thoughts in typing form. I just typed whatever came to mind. And thats just what I happened to be thinkin about. Fuck it. Xd

it's like i'm in a race against time

defined

tranquility - n. 1. free from commotion or tumult; peaceful; quiet; calm

2. free from or unaffected by disturbing emotions; unagitated; serene; placid

I went fishing and I caught nothing. I sat out there for about 4 hours doing nothing but sitting there watching the water and waiting for something to pull on the string. It may seem as if I wasted my time but I enjoyed myself very much. In fact, I had such a great time, I am going to do it more often. It was my first time fishing so I was learning as I go. And I learned that I had experienced the true essence of fishing. Fishing isn't about going out and catching fish. Fishing is about going out and embracing the nature and wildlife while soaking up the beautiful images of the calm lake. It's about getting away from the urban life and appreciating the life that God gave us to begin with. It's always going to be there and it will never let us down. It's also about meditation. It's about reflecting your life's image off of the lake water and looking at it from an outsider's point of view. It teaches you that if you are on the outside looking in you can grasp the true image that is being conveyed. It let's you think deeply about life and love. About what is right or wrong, true or false, clear or faint. It is the greatest oracle of life. Yet noone knows this because the preferable thing to do is party or drink. The feeling it gave me was pure as a baby's consience, though. But all in all, fishing is relaxation of the mind. If your lucky you catch a fish. The high point of the day is not a moment. It was the whole day in itself. It was 4/20 and I wasn't smoking. Didn't even drink. Not even a Newport or Black n' Mild. Not even. I was with my counselor and we had a conversation that made me realize that I might still go to the military. But I'll play it smart and go to the Air Force, 'cuz I don't see myself going to Iraq in this lifetime. So I do my 3 or 4 years and I'm set for life. All this and more came to mind all while fishing. [Better than a cruise XD]

Chocolate Skittles taste like ass. Black people ass. And Detroit lost to the Sixers?? Grrrr.

Here is a verse fragment. It is def going to the studio.

There aint a booth today you wanna see me in

You like crackers to Obama, you don't wanna see me win

Let the siege begin, your battle is lost

Niggaz is Robert DeNeiro, they only actin a boss

I gotta admit. I amazed myself this time. I can definitely build off of this.

I think this is my present day role model. He has that NY super lyrical vibe and this song is a classic. It talks about how hip-hop isn't what it used to be.

"I wake up, hip-hop. Go to sleep, hip-hop. Dream about hip-hop. Cuz I am hip-hop."

-Joell Ortiz, Hip Hop

9th grade; I aint go to high school, i went to school high

defined

focus - n. a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity

Ok. I succeeded in not giving a fuck this weekend. Didn't clean like I usually do. Did't do homework lke I should do. And I didn't even go out like I planned to do. Just resting and NBA playoffs and some beer here and there. XD

I'm unbalanced and out of tune but I feel moderately great. My focus is in the direction of nothing important but at least my mind tells me "fuck it" on a regular basis. So I feel slightly better about it. It's unlike my old self when I was focused on resisting oppression and authority. Now I just ignore it. I'm focused on enjoying my remaining years because I sometimes feel like my days are numbered. People don't realize that they can go at any given second. Death doesn't announce it's presence. It just happens. So I still have that "Fuck Tommorrow" motto in mind. But there's still a little something missing. Maybe I need love like LL. It's something I'm not looking at. And speaking of focus. Look at this. It soooo pertains to my situation and it makes me laugh soooo hard.

Yes he was there the whole time. I like the message it delivers. It is one of those paradoxes, however life is filled with these amazing, mysterious wonders. I think it is my destiny to explore them. It's like I transformed from my naive self.

The playoffs turn me on. lmao. This was one of the most nail biting games I've ever seen. Plus I had some Bud Light last night so it helped out. This series is goin down to the last game. If you fast forward this vid to about 2:20 you will see the highlight in the game. Tim Duncan is a beast. Only his 28th thre pointer in his career and he sinks it to send it to double overtime. Oh my God! lol

bond is my life. so i live by my word.

defined

unrequited - adj. not returned or reciprocated

Unrequited love. A term I hear alot and now it has some meaning to me. Not really love. Still, I wonder if she knows.

It's the weekend and I feel like doing nothing. School has taken enough out of me. I'm gunna catch up on my sleep and watch the playoffs begin. People have invited me everywhere and I told them off. Dammit, I probably should go. It would balance me out mentally. I may give it a try. Theres a group of people from school that are going to the movies to see "Forbidden Kingdom". I wanna see it so bad, I just don't have the energy. I'm actually contemplating on going to relay for life if anything. At least I'll be helping fight cancer. Here's a verse I wrote in class. Man, I'm glad I'm losing focus towards the end of the year.

Divine mechanisms of rythm and poetry

Rebel to the 5-0, yo, they all knowing me

Yet I'm still roaming free, allergic to them handcuffs

I'd rather quest financials and acquaint "bankuhz"

Never try to spank us, call forth the militant

Get split between the eyes, call it "Central Intelligence"

With much diligence, blood we spillin it

High speed chase with jakes, boy we "Hot Wheelin" it

And I'm Top Billin it, like the second audio

My bars is so ill they cause pain to ya cardios

My whole party knows, beef comes partly froze

So don't freeze up, cuz enemy fear hardly shows

Blazin, love you aint hurtin me, give you room for emergency's

plottin with currency, fast money's an urgency

Born to be murkin beats, I'm a street messiah certainly

I think I'm gunna record that one. The motivation behind this one is definitely Nas. I wrote it to his "Suspect" beat. It was stuck in my head so I just went with it. I doubt I'm gunna record over it, I just wanted that New York "fly gangsta" flow. Here is a sample.

P.S. Go Detroit Pistons, Orlando Magic, San Antonio Spurs, Utah Jazz, and New Orleans Hornets. I got alot runnin on them to win. Playoffs start tommorrow. I can't wait!!!!

your arm's too short to box with God.

defined

soul - n. the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body

There's a specific reason why I have an obsession with the definitions of words. It's knowledge and knowledge is power. Of all weapons, my mind is the greatest one I have. This is also true wit most people but they just don't realize it. However, how can one say something if he or she doesn't truly knows what it means. Like I showed with "dumb". It truly means someone who can't speak. But that's just me. I read the dictionary when I'm bored. One of my most frequently visited websites is dictionary.com. But someone who lives a poetic and lyrical life needs to always be expanding his vocabulary. And boy do I have an interesting vocabulary. I never use it though. Well in the sense that I'm not one who voluntarily speaks. I'm reluctant to talk to new people because I've found myself wishing I never met a person way too many times. But that's irrelavant. I think to myself alot but that's how I learn alot of the times. Just thinking hard about things. Whenever I'm thinking and I can't prove something, I physically go look to see what the outcome would be. Maybe I should speak more so that others can learn from me. Only reason I don't is because I want to learn more, and the only way I do that is by listening and observing. That is probably the major imbalance of this world. People like me stay to themselves and the "dumb" ones contradict that meaning and act as both an oxymoron and a regular moron. Simplified: Those who know don't talk, and those who talk don't know a thing.

Speaking of imbalances, I've found the emptyness. I need company. I need ears to listen to what I have to say and people to share my knowledge of life with. I had that with my "brothers" but now that isn't present in my life, it's fucked with my brain. But I need a group of intellectuals to break bread with. I think that's why I've turned to this blog. Even though not many people read it, I feel as if I'm talking to someone. And hey you never know, someone I don't know about may be reading this. But still I guess I need to express myself because all that I have to say is trapped inside of me. This is why I guess I don't mind talking to my counselor because she has a different point of view. She isn't uneducated either. So it's an intelligent conversation everytime.
I talked to an old friend of mine and I might finally be launching my rap "career". DJ Young F-F-a-a-ate is working on a self mixtape and I plan on makin a guest appearance. I have been planning on doing this forever but we lost contact. It's different now. I make my audio debut and I know Victor is going to love it. Plus I will be able to express myself taking a load of stress off of my head.

ISS is mind-grueling. WOOOWWW. It's actually taken a toll on me. I sleep throughout the entire thing and it has me in a sleepy mood all day. Tommorrow is the last day. Thank God. I actually hallucinated the first day I was in there. I had my head on the desk sleeping and I guess the weight of my head on my arm cut off some blood circulation and I envisioned someone I knew reaching out to me as if I were dying and they were trying to save me. CRAAZZZY. I felt as if I had seen my skeleton swimming in eternal fire. The person who reached out to me was mind boggling too. By that Imean it was uncanny. I think it was a message but I have yet to decipher it.

NBA Playoffs begin Saturday. I am sooooo excited. If the Magic play Detroit in the second round I am buying tickets.

THIS YEAR'S MOST VALUABLE PLAYER IS KOBE BRYANT. This is him jumping over a moving car. This man is amazing. I hope the Lakers and that Pistons meet in the finals. I'd probably faint. XD

can i live till my last day?

defined

jazz - n. music originating in New Orleans around the beginning of the 20th century and subsequently developing through various increasingly complex styles, generally marked by intricate, propulsive rhythms, polyphonic ensemble playing, improvisatory, virtuosic solos, melodic freedom, and a harmonic idiom ranging from simple diatonicism through chromaticism to atonality.

Let's try something new shall we? And if you don't get it, listen to some jazz. It's my poetic side kinda.

Ain't a dumb dora or even a gold digger

I'm stuck on this sheba, she elastic, go figure

If I ask to neck, I'm sure it's a "No nigga."

Never tried, but I just know nigga

I'm holding a torch, doesn't even have a flame

This girl picture perfect, even outside the frame

She the cat's meow, her sex appeal to blame

Don't mistake me for a cake eater, I don't like no game

I seem to lose everything, but everything's jake

Got me feelin hard boiled for god's sake

I can't take this crush, it got me broken

It may seem like horsefeather words are spoken

Copacetic charisma make me seem all set

But the only fish in my ocean makes that all wet

Never am I a lounge lizard, won't give her the line

But in a way, I really wish she was mine

Maaaaan, I feel empty. Man, life is mass confusion. MAAAAAAN, I need some positive thoughts. (I see what you mean Maria) I don't even focus in school anymore. I just space out and think what in the blue hell is next for me? What is going to happen? It's not like I'm going through somethin drastic, I just don't know what to expect. For example, I think waaaay into the future. Like I wonder what this world is gonna be like years later when I'm old and gray. I wonder if I make it to see my old and gray years. I wonder what happens when those years are over and my life is 360. Who am I going to grow old with? Bleh. Today it felt like a part of me is missing. And I think it is. Its not the nation because if there is one thing I learned about the nation is that you don't need to be Mr. Cool Latin King Guy to be a king. You just need to LIVE by the manifesto, which alot of kings don't do and has given us the "gang" label of today. Alot run around acting like bloods with yellow bandanas. But it's not that. I don't know. Something is missing and I can't put my finger on it.

School was crap. I was late for my bus which stung more than usual because I've started contemplating on the car situation. Whatever. I always miss my bus and the school was sooo tired of my shit that they gave me 3 days of in school suspension. Yay. It was also partially due to the fact that I missed a Saturday school but I had to go to my probation officer that day. Well they didn't care. I guess the dean judged me and figured I was a billy badass. I only have latenesses on my school record. For THAT school. But still. Fuck him. Also, I was in such a rush that I managed to throw on some black dickies with a black long sleeved tee and it made me look emo. I didn't care because I don't care to much how I look in school, as long as I'm comfortable. Thing is I would look down and feel worse. Black is depressin when it's all over your body. sigh.

i call it "LL Cool J crush"

defined

fun - n. something that provides mirth or amusement; enjoyment or playfulness

Last night was fun!!!!!!!!!! It ended early but I had fun, plus it was the first concert I've ever been too. Yeah, so I learned alot of things. First, your gunna sweat, so wear a white beater. Second, your gunna get stepped on, so wear kicks you don't care about. Third, wear noseplugs cuz people smell like XO. But LL was half Cool James and half pretty boy. Mostly Cool James. I loved it. Plus, I gots to chill with Amy for the first time in yearrrss, and my number one bloggie fan for the first time ever. We shall do it again. But since yesterday was one of the few times I've chilled while not being on the run, I realized maybe I should get a car. Some thing to get me around. I could care less what it looks like. Pretty soon my liscence isn't gunna be suspended anymore but I dont think my mom will lend me her car very mucho. Plus WTF? I'm bout to be 18. BIIIIGG wake up call I just had while typing. aaahhh.

So apparently I'm missing fingers because I was talking shit. Werd. XD

Man I'm crushin. It's funny cuz I call crushes like this "LL Cool J crushes". But chea. Like I sed. The girls I'm gettin, I dont want. And the girl I want, I aint gettin. Girl is singular. <=/

Man Nas is genius. I was jammin to "God Love Us" and it got to me. I was always like yeah with this song, but now I'm in love.

"God love us hood niggas, cuz next to Jesus on the cross was the crook niggas."

- Nas, God Love Us

True as hell. Church goers look at us as evil but Jesus traveled with 12 Disciple who were theives and murderers. See people don't realize that sometimes people do things because they have to. Shit I have a criminal career. But I never did it to be the cool guy on the block. I didnt do it to floss or to be the man. I did it because I was going through rough times in my life and I needed money. 90% of that money went to needs not wants. The other 10% went to cigarettes and weed to relieve stress. But my criminal career is over. I'm retired....starting.......NOW! But sssssshhhh nobody knows that. hehe

career? i wanna be a _______ when i grow up....

defined

genesis - n. an origin, creation, or beginning.

If I seriously try to become a rapper, the name of my first album is going to be "The Genesis" or somethin involvin that word. I have an odd list of possible careers. I want to be an NBA analyst. The guy that sits around and talk about the games. Seems like they have fun. Especially Stephen A. Smith. I admire that man. He has his own show and is featured as a commentator on ESPN and other basketball events just for his ability to talk about basketball. Especially when he has an opinion, he is very passionate about it. We also seem to agree with things, like Kobe Bryant for MVP and Dirk Nowitzki being not so good. Another possible career would be to play in the NBA, considering you only really need a college education to get in. As long as you shine in your college years. And not everyone there is that good because not everyone can get a college education. I can go to Gun Hill Rd. in NY and find 5 dudes and have an All-Star starting five. Gun Hill Rd. around where Bam lives. Yo that park is in the NBA Street game and some And 1 mixtapes, and whenever its on I be like,"Yo I played in that park." They called me Carlos Arroyo which is the nickname I get on every court. And then I think, hmmm I've made a name for myself in a famous streetball court. I can boast. lol People also say I can be a stand-up comedian. Its funny because I love watchin stand-up but people always say that I am VERY funny. I have this great delivery, as in I could say the simplest things but I have my own funny way of saying it. I think I can get far in the stand up comedy business. Last but not least, I wanna be a lawyer. Not just a lawyer, a defense attorney. People say that I can argue about nearly anything. I can justify what Hitler did. And trust me I already have. Dont get me wrong, I dont believe what he did was right, but someone doubted I could do it, so for the sake of the moment, I justified Hitler. Like I said, Gift of gab.

In class today, we was going over the needs and wants and apparently some dude made a table for needs. One of the needs was love. I thought hmmm, Not necessarily a need. I don't need love. But they went on to say that it was like love as in a sense of belongin and not particularly relationship love, and I suppose everyone needs that. According to some researcher, growth is actually slowed if the baby doesnt recieve love as he grows. I wonder what it must be like to be to yourself. I'm like that alot of places I go, but I still have my friends and loved ones. As far as the relationship thing goes, I haven't really found a girl worth going after, as far as having a relationship with. There was one that seemed worth it, but life never goes your way. So of course, the girls I want, I aint getting, and the girls I'm getting, I don't want. But life moves on. I happen to be spending my Saturday with that particular girl I spoke of. *clears throat* meh. But its a fact. People need love in their lives. Observe.

life can only get better from here.

defined

dumb - adj. lacking the power of speech

Just thought people should know what they are really saying. Had a very positive day today. Didnt go to school again but it dont matter. I wasnt doin anythin important. I went to my drug free living meeting. blah. I was court ordered to do that bullshit. I been doing it since January but Im glad I have. It was there where I met the man that told me the phrase that I will remember till I die. "Life is funny." Yeah, he is my counselor. Coolest man I have met in the system. He hooks me up too. He gave me Magic tickets, circus tickets, and is even taking me fishing this weekend. He's my dog. And he is alot of positivity in my life. Th aspect I respect most about him is that he has been through the system himself. I love that. He has been arrested and commited crimes and even done drugs. He is not like all the other people that think they know what they are talking about in the system. How you going to tell someone how to handle what thy are going through if you havent gone through it yourself? This man has so he knows what he is talking about, so I actually listen to him. He has alot of wisdom too.

"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life."

-Immanuel Kant

Ahhh. Yes. 6 more weeks till school is out. I might have to take summer school and graduate in July but fuck it. I just want my high school diploma and to move on with my life. Its not like I had some close friends or some shit in the school I'm in so I dont care if dont get to graduate with everyone else. As long as I have that paper that says I'm done, I am happy. Got plans to make and money to take. I meant make. =]

Man I am doing alot of shit this weekend. But alot of fun shit. Especially on Saturday. Unfortunately I gotta see my P.O. and go to Saturday school before MG.

Still can't wait. I know Maria can't wait either. XD

starvin like Marvin for a Cool J song

defined

established - adj. 1. brought about or set up or accepted

2. settled securely and unconditionally

I still wear my crown wether it shines bright enough for them or not. What they didn't realize is the only serious damage they did was physical damage. I got my diplomatic warfare occuring as I write this blog. Mentally its fucked me up because they are making those people I call my brothers turn their back on me, but I don't think they are turning backs on their own will. So it is not bothering me too much because I know that there are certain ones that I can still call brother. And still call me brother. I may be wrong but hey we can have beliefs.

Can't wait till Saturday. I really hope LL does his ol' school self. I will be very dissappointed if I paid to watch him take off his shirt and lick his lips. From what I hear its gunna be packed and I might see some people I know. There was a commercial about it and it made me smile.

MAN today was like story time. I had the black eye and some blood in my eye and people kept asking me what happened like they couldnt tell. Random people that I dont know kept asking me like they give a fuck. I got pissed at one point and started telling those random people that their mother likes it rough and that was why I had the black eye. People don't pay no attention to important things. In school its about the guy who says the stupidest shit, or the person who spends more time on how they look in school rather than their grades. That kinda makes me mad but then its like these people must have no life if they look at school as a fasion show. meh.

I've been neglectin my blog. I apoligize to my blog for that. I'm gunna be here more often. =]

what now?

defined

vengeance - n. infliction of injury, harm, humiliation, or the like, on a person by another who has been harmed by that person; violent revenge

No happiness in my life yet. Patiently waiting till the 12th. Everytime my mind has a mental catastrophe, I start looking forward to Mardi Gras. Amy is going and that makes me smile because I get to talk to her. She gives good advice. I mean anyone can give me the same advice, but when she says it, the world just seems like a better place for some reason. Haven't talked to her since that thing happened though. That thing has caused alot of pain. I could get back at them. But it would mean going against alot of my own principles. So at the moment, that thought is on hold. Probably won't go into motion which is a first for me, but meh. I'm still living, and life still has some beauty.

Talked to my brother Flako and Bam from New York. Flako is fuckin up, and it's funny becuz he was always the one that set the example. Now me and Bam are on our grind and Flako can't even come home. Life is funny. If I ever become famous, my merchandise is going to have that on it. Life is funny. Noone really gets that until they live a little. Then one day it just clicks in their mind. "Ah, I see what he meant." That's how it happened to me. A man, or counselor, I was meeting with told me exactly that. Now this is a guy who has been there done that. Then it hit me. I have to have been there done that. I've only done a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but I think I'm beginning to truly see what he meant. Like when I was on the hospital bed and I saw my mom there, I started crying. Then I started laughing. Cuz all I could hear was that man's voice telling me,"Life is funny." And I remembered. I had lived a little...more, so it made me laugh, while sprawled out on a hospital bed.

Come to think of it. They should've killed me. Cuz I don't walk away with my tail between my legs. But it's a different kind of warfare. More diplomatic. So I will rub my bruises and let the gift of gab give presents. I love my ability to speak.

I wanted to put a video of Red Bull BC One breakdance competition, but things aren't going my way. Well I've officially added breakdancing to my list of possible future careers after watching these guys. Here's a sample of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq7SwTJChnI

Rahzell is in it and he does my favorite betbox performance of his. The "If Your Mother Only Knew" beat and chorus at the same time beatboxing. He has to be the best beatboxer EVER!!!!

spring break.

defined

education - the act or process of imparting or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life.

Something I'm working on gettin this year.

Spring break has sucked reaaal hard so far. For certain reasons. Only thing I'm lookin forward to is Mardi Gras, wether a certain person goes or not.

Sortah like Jesus at the Last Supper

Even had a Judas

Even if I act tougher

I seem to be the rudest

Givin my body as a sacrifice

My mind is my support

Yet noone even acting nice

Their help comes up short

A lost cause in the midst of problems

Doesn't even matter if I try to solve 'em

[The message portrayed is that I've been betrayed]

new begginings.

defined

beginning - 1. an act or circumstance of entering upon an action or state

2. the point of time or space at which anything begins


You know when you was little and you switched schools? What did your mom say? "It's ok. You'll find new friends or you'll do better in your new school." Yeah.

How can someone rip your heart out and stomp on it over and over again?


Yet you keep walkin as if nothing were wrong?



How does your life change, without you changing with it?



How do you lose everything, yet miss none of it?



How does one strip you of everything you have, but you're missing nothing?



How does everyone turn their back on you, yet you don't call for them to turn around?



Nor do you care if they do or don't?



When do you look in the mirror and not care that your reflection has compeletly faded?



The best question I guess is, what is causing all of this?

Almighty King Skit The Great is now simply Skit. What a shame. A new begining I guess. Hopefully a brighter one.