I have been incarcerated from September 1st till September 22nd. My P.O. decided it would be cool to fuck me (no Vaseline). I was a tamed lion put back in his habitat. Your forced to be. Especially when your as small as me... your the first one to be fucked with. Fucking cowards. Don't worry by the time I left, motherfuckers was bringing me commissary and doing me favors. The way I did it made me disappointed in myself. I had put the thorned crown on my head again. But like I said, you put an animal in his old habitat and he picks up old habits. It came to the point that I started to tell myself that it wouldn't be bad living here, just two things were missing: a radio and vagina. Yeah, I was actually starting to accept the fact that that was my home and embracing my surroundings and the people in it. Well anyway, the ending result was my probation was terminated, I owe the court more money, my license was suspended AGAIN, and I'm behind on my bills due to not working.
However, I learned and re-learned a couple of things:
The only people that got your back is your family.
Florida is a shitty state.
I am a MUCH better player at cards and chess.
I kept a memoir of what happened day by day and my thoughts. I am going to revise it, take out the unnecessary details and post it. I let out alot of emotions on those pieces of paper. You have nothing but time so that was one of my ways of consuming it. Call it a jail-blog. lol
My new focus is financially. Now I'm behind on rent. I'm debating if I wanna struggle to pay my rent and risk going to jail again cuz I couldn't pay my court fees, or if I should break the lease and owe them assloads of money. Roughly 2 g's and I won't be able to rent till I pay that off. Goddamn problems. I guess Imma have to do what I dreaded doing and that's...ugh rolling over. I went to the GED guy and Imma take the test and...sigh go to college. >=l I hate to sit here and bore you with my misery. I wish I could say positive things and happy thoughts. There has just not been ONE fucking bright spot in my month. Well I still got both my jobs at LEAST.
This song reminded me of my experience, mainly because it was filmed in San Quentin and I felt like it was speaking directly to me. The words in the beginning are Lars Ulrich counting to 4 in Dutch. Song is from their CRAPPIEST album but it is still a good song.
However, I learned and re-learned a couple of things:
The only people that got your back is your family.
Florida is a shitty state.
I am a MUCH better player at cards and chess.
I kept a memoir of what happened day by day and my thoughts. I am going to revise it, take out the unnecessary details and post it. I let out alot of emotions on those pieces of paper. You have nothing but time so that was one of my ways of consuming it. Call it a jail-blog. lol
My new focus is financially. Now I'm behind on rent. I'm debating if I wanna struggle to pay my rent and risk going to jail again cuz I couldn't pay my court fees, or if I should break the lease and owe them assloads of money. Roughly 2 g's and I won't be able to rent till I pay that off. Goddamn problems. I guess Imma have to do what I dreaded doing and that's...ugh rolling over. I went to the GED guy and Imma take the test and...sigh go to college. >=l I hate to sit here and bore you with my misery. I wish I could say positive things and happy thoughts. There has just not been ONE fucking bright spot in my month. Well I still got both my jobs at LEAST.
This song reminded me of my experience, mainly because it was filmed in San Quentin and I felt like it was speaking directly to me. The words in the beginning are Lars Ulrich counting to 4 in Dutch. Song is from their CRAPPIEST album but it is still a good song.
peace, love, and nappiness.
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