That was a line from a Beatnuts song. Shit had me rolling cuz I was at work and looking around like fuck this place. My job is beginning to piss me off. See, I work hourly vs. commission, meaning that whichever one pays me more, is what I get paid. For instance, I put in 32 hours in a week, that's about 200 somethin' a week, give or take with taxes and all. But I don't always get those hours, my schedule varies. Which means that I am almost FORCED to make my money off commission. Which means I have to talk to people and sell these fucking tours and shit. Man it's pretty stressful and I'm probably not making any sense, but a nigga gotta vent too. Maybe my paychecks would seem bigger if I didn't have to pay 100 dollars a week. 50 to my mom for rent and 50 to her boyfriend for bailing me out.
Speaking of.. I got court on Friday for that shit. Wish me luck. They told Stylistics that he had one of two options. Option 1 was too spend a year in county, suspend his driver's license for 6 months, and pay like a bajillion dollars in fines. Option 2 was a probation like program for a year. She said option 2 was him getting off easy. I figure if they do that to me, option 2 won't hurt me at all. I still have another year of juvenile probation left anyway. Then again, if this never happened, I probably would have been off of that already. Oh yeah, it can also hurt me financially. And I just realized that now EVERY job can see that I have a record. Wow, I always knew becoming an adult would suck, but not this hard.
Me and my epiphany having ass. WTF? Anyway, here's something I realized about myself. And possibly other people. Well in all honesty, each and every one of us can control our emotions. Well most of em', but I'll get to that in a second. See, whenever we think something, our mind sends out messages to our body and conscience. So if you have that feeling of "I'm a bad person" or "I'm ugly" or somethin' like that, it's because you thought about it and kept thinkin it to the point where you started to believe it. That's where depression and self consciousness comes in. You start criticizing yourself and the mind tells you it's true. However, if you tell yourself "I'm a good person" and "I am beautiful", then those are the mind waves you can control. But if you do that with alot of things, you can control most emotion. It ain't lyin' to yourself because you know whats true and what isn't, but instead you think it in your head so the emotion of that bad event doesn't affect you. Cuz sometimes, you can't let your emotions affect your decisions, depending on what type of emotion it is. Now the ones that you CAN'T control are the ones that usually have some deep significance. Like for instance, I can't control this feeling I have for this one girl. So I know it's a strong feeling I got for her. But the thing I've realized I can't get over is the fuckin' concussion to the head that these bastuhdz left me with. Niggas is STILL goin' around talkin' shit. But wow, how the rage has been eating me up inside. In order to get what I am bout to say, you have to understand my past. Ever since I was a lil dude at 13, I was out and about doin' this and that. The reason I got the name Skit was because at times, I would do shit without thinkin' of it. I would react pretty wild sometimes. One time I was smoking on the block and someone let off a firecracker and without thinkin of it, I ran cuz I thought it was the cops. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. Then my boy Will started crackin' on me. He called me Skitso, cuz I was acting real paranoid, then the name stuck. Skit. SkitSoFrenic. Well, back to my undying rage. It's a rage that has been buildin up over time. I don't wanna let that rage control me cuz I'd just be goin' back to my old ways. And look where my old ways got me, right? So how do I suppress this anger? I smoke. When I smoke, I'm the type that just mellows out. I'm on point, but my body is relaxed, my mind is relaxed, my entire state of being is relaxed. I don't take my rage out on others. It's not an excuse to smoke, cuz if it was, it would be a really poor excuse. It's just my only escape. Ahh. I need help. Where's Amy when you need her?
I will be going to Common and N.E.R.D.'s concerto with bloggie fan numero uno. I will be gettin them tickets by the middle of next month. Ya'll should peep it too. Well those of my readers that are in Florida. lol
Peep it. Made me laugh.
Peace, Love, and Nappiness. AHAAA...
"..Niggaz frontin' like they real.. But busting caps ain't got a mothafuckin' thing to do wit showin' skill.."
(Only people that's in it like that know where I'm comin from with that.)
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