"[god]'s plan" has failed

Sometimes there's a side of me that feels as if we are all trying to live long enough to watch ourselves die. Seems purposeless. Yes this is a "why are we all here?" post. Really though, why did [god] put us here? We all live our lives hoping that we walked the righteous path to be accepted through the [gates] on our judgement day. You have some who don't care about the consequences or just don't believe that there is a passageway to such a place. But why put people through this mass confusion of the so called "afterlife" that have driven millions to killing, war, and destruction. I guess it's safe to say that [god] is flawed... SEE? I wasn't struck by lightning. I mean, he was created in our image. The bible has so many holes in it's story there's no wonder why it's called the holy bible. Why not just create us all perfect and immortal and have us born in heaven as angels? Why hold the trial on Earth? Countless souls are being lost and I think that's very selfish of him. Well, I guess [satan] needs some company as well....

dont know why i dont post here anymore but...

i just had a vision of how i would die.

shot in the heart

story of my life

..and in this moment I am happy.. happy.

I have this movie I made last night in Kissimmee. It's about a wild ass night. It's called "Dude where's my wallet?" I got back home tonight and knocked out. Besides the obvious, it put shit in perspective. Gave me the 'two tears and a bucket, fuck it' attitude I been missing out on. The voice won but it wasn't a battle. More like a peace treaty. Imma have fun, fuck bitches with no rubber and all of that. lmao

NOW I have no apartment. My rent money was in that wallet. Ahhhh it feels so good when the decision is made for you.

Fuck it!!!!

I did something I was very proud of though. One by one, I'm cutting off mad bitches I have no business being with. Relationship or relations. Starting with this main chick. I've never done this to her before so I was very proud. She came to my house, fucked up might I add, and told me we getting even more fucked up. We talked and I already know what she wanted from me. She had a man that I always knew about and he ain't know I was getting down with his girl. I don't know what got into me, but before we got into anything, I asked her to kindly leave my apartment. I was so proud of myself. I felt like I had gained a victory in some kind of battle with myself. Even afterwards, she pretty much threw herself at me. I closed the car door on her and told her to go home. Ahhhhhh another thing that just makes me breathe easier. I'm starting to listen to hip hop a lot again. But like that feel good music. Life just feels good right now. Even though I'm stressing hardbody. Fuck it, don't stress.

Very smooth and still awesome. It's about an acid trip but you can hardly tell. It's just so beautiful because that's how I feel. And I just wish you were here. lawl

The world's a roller coaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air

peace, love, and nappiness.

One for the now and eleven for the later

I take my time. I rush things.
The choice is mines. I'm indecisive.
I hate love. I love hate.
I'm grown. I'm a baby.
I do evil. I feel good.
I've learned a lot. I have a lot to learn.
Winning is unpleasant. It's fun to lose.
I'm imprisoned. I don't wanna escape.
I'm ugly. I have high self esteem.
I'm beautiful. I loathe myself.
Life is a privilege. Death is inevitable.
I aim for success. I prepare for failure.
I can't get over where I've been. I don't know where I'm at.
I lie about being honest therefore I'm honest about lying.
I stand up against injustice. I have bad posture.
I have a caring heart. I also have a delinquent mind.
I appreciate your concerns. I don't need your accommodations.
My faith is weak. My knowledge is growing.
I am what I don't want to be. I want to be what I can't be.
I am the apprentice. I am the master.
I am the flaws and the perfection.
I am the rights, the wrongs
the good, the bad
the holy, the evil
myself and myself
I'm worst at what I do best.


peace, love, and nappiness.

Test... your might

Lol I KNOW yall remember this shit from the movie. My step brother started playing it and me and my little brother started dancing and I was doing kung fu moves in a silly fashion and we were kung fu fighting. It was hilarious. Then my brother got behind my step brother and pretended to be the four armed guy that fights Johnny Cage in the movie. It was a fucking parody. At the end my step bro said "Finish him" and I pretended to snap my brothers neck. It feels good to spend time with my family.



So here's something I put together just now. I'm tired of preaching to woman that all guys are NOT the same. So lemme show you the parallels.

You look for bright spots where the sun don't shine
Watching heart theft and say they've done no crime
When he comes to give you his, you pay dun no mind
As you throw it in his face, I'll tell you "hun don't whine"
Don't step with bullshit and crying because your so sick of trying
But he's legit and trying, and yet you still deny him
It's like your addicted to pain, can't go to AA meetings
And you stick with your man when we say they cheating
Withdrawals
Git's spoiled
Think he's got you strung out, since the first time you hung out
You never had one doubt, you took the fuckin dumb route
And then when you find out, you wanna call time out
So you can spend some time out..
In open waters
So you
Blow my phone up, get my bone up
Relationships are slaughtered
Hope for no son or daughters
Well...
At this point...
I see insecurities, don't think you can endure with me
Unfiltered purity, selfish wants as priorities
You were looking for them in the darkest of rooms
When the lights turned on that's when your heart suffered wounds
Don't look at me, it don't say paramedic on my shirt
I don't own a first aid kit, I expect to cause 'her' no hurt

I've decided to not make my lyrics so self explanatory. They are not hard to get when they are written for you. I just threw this together cuz I was thinkin' of an argument with a chick who keeps crying to me when shit when her man goes wrong and I've been tryna tell her from day one she deserve better but if she wasting time with this nigga, better is gunna find best. Please ladies, don't say all guys are the same, ya'll are just attracted to the same kind of asshole. You do it to yourselves. smh

peace, love, and nappiness.

FUCK IT ALL AND NO REGRETS!

I have been incarcerated from September 1st till September 22nd. My P.O. decided it would be cool to fuck me (no Vaseline). I was a tamed lion put back in his habitat. Your forced to be. Especially when your as small as me... your the first one to be fucked with. Fucking cowards. Don't worry by the time I left, motherfuckers was bringing me commissary and doing me favors. The way I did it made me disappointed in myself. I had put the thorned crown on my head again. But like I said, you put an animal in his old habitat and he picks up old habits. It came to the point that I started to tell myself that it wouldn't be bad living here, just two things were missing: a radio and vagina. Yeah, I was actually starting to accept the fact that that was my home and embracing my surroundings and the people in it. Well anyway, the ending result was my probation was terminated, I owe the court more money, my license was suspended AGAIN, and I'm behind on my bills due to not working.

However, I learned and re-learned a couple of things:

The only people that got your back is your family.

Florida is a shitty state.

I am a MUCH better player at cards and chess.

I kept a memoir of what happened day by day and my thoughts. I am going to revise it, take out the unnecessary details and post it. I let out alot of emotions on those pieces of paper. You have nothing but time so that was one of my ways of consuming it. Call it a jail-blog. lol

My new focus is financially. Now I'm behind on rent. I'm debating if I wanna struggle to pay my rent and risk going to jail again cuz I couldn't pay my court fees, or if I should break the lease and owe them assloads of money. Roughly 2 g's and I won't be able to rent till I pay that off. Goddamn problems. I guess Imma have to do what I dreaded doing and that's...ugh rolling over. I went to the GED guy and Imma take the test and...sigh go to college. >=l I hate to sit here and bore you with my misery. I wish I could say positive things and happy thoughts. There has just not been ONE fucking bright spot in my month. Well I still got both my jobs at LEAST.

This song reminded me of my experience, mainly because it was filmed in San Quentin and I felt like it was speaking directly to me. The words in the beginning are Lars Ulrich counting to 4 in Dutch. Song is from their CRAPPIEST album but it is still a good song.

peace, love, and nappiness.

Peace sells... but who's buying?

I've realized I may say things that offend people.

When I say I've realized, I mean "DUH".

Whaddya mean I don't believe in God?

I talk to him everyday

Whaddya mean I don't support your system?

I go to court when I HAVE to.

Whaddya mean I can't get to work on time?

I got nothing better to do

Whaddya mean I don't pay my bills?

Whaddya think I'm broke?

HUH!?!

If there's a new wayyy..

I'll be the first in line..

but it better work this time..


Whaddya mean I hurt your feelings?

Didn't know you had any feelings.

Whaddya mean I ain't kind?

Just not your kind.

Whaddya mean I could be the president

..of the United States of America?

Tell me something.. it's still WE the people..

RIGHT?!?!

If there's a new wayyy..

I'll be the first in line..

but it better work this time..